Phos World

2024-09-13»

it's time to stop pretending the most violent manefestation of white supremacy is somehow separate from the more mild forms. call it out. it's not "israel is a deranged society". it's a manefestation of white supremacy and colonialism. it's not "cops are getting too violent". it's a manefestation of white supremacy and colonialism. it's not "billionaires are greedy and out of touch". it's a manefestation of colonialism and capitalism. it's all of yall(us), always. be constantly aware. this may be tiring but it's literally the foundation of you being an ally. the foundation of being an ally is NOT just willing to listen and reflect or even come to actions when called upon. it's being acutely aware of reality. if only we are on the same page about reality (as close as possible), we can act together.

2024-09-12»

This is something I'm only recently* learning and slowly embodying (stating fact not excuse). trust before anything. and people don't owe their oppressors trust. when working with marginalised people that you don't share experience with or are more heavily impacted by systemic violence than u (defining comparison is hard but you'll be able to tell when u see it), they don't owe us feedback, they don't owe us "let me tell you why you fucked up" analysis. We need that, but don't wait for someone to tell you you fucked up. And if the roles are reversed we don't owe the other side that either. Accountability is truly a gift. This applies to race/white supremacy, class, disability, gender, etc

2024-09-11»

no more coddling

2024-09-11»

miss my grandma. she's a matriarch fr

2024-09-11»

be merciless in your criticism to fellow white people, n white supremacy is the least a white ally can do. doesnt mean you have to call them names but call it for what it is.

2024-09-11»

my good friend today just said to me... (telling me about a time when they were researching about bpd and cluster b disorders) "so much bullshit out there... people are not critical thinking... this just reinforce the system" which is like soooooo right AAAAHHHH WE KNOW. listen to mad people.

2024-09-10»

I feel like I relate to PDA in a weird way? ("I don't hate socks because I have a System" lol) the most common thing other people say is "if someone ask me to do a thing suddenly it becomes impossible to do the thing" and I don't feel like I relate to that. but any time there's a delayed expectation from other people or an external deadline (eg. meet up with a friend on a certain day, post thing by x date, event I want to go), often as time tick closer, i would feel an urge to just not go/prepare and cancel.

2024-09-09»

listen when people teach...

2024-09-09»

the other day I talked about cooking n authenticity n basically cultural appropriation. just want to clarify that it's ok for you to take a recipe from a culture, mess with it, eat it enjoy it even cook it for others, share that recipe... just don't come on your platform and preach about "oooOooh what IS authenticity anyway" lmaoooo. also fusion is suss a lot of times. it's cool and all and the creativity and experimentation is great, but why is most of Asian/"ethnic" food expected to be cheap, while fusion is suddenly high class, especially when a white person does it? why you take an isolated element from it to "be different" while young people of our own are leaving centries old crafts behind because they will not be able to live a decent life if they choose to continue the life of the craft? why lots of traditional foods suddenly become "super food" "climate solution" when a white person pays attention to it while the general category of "ethnic food" is looked down on and traditional cultural and land knowledge is dismissed, and the place and climate those foods naturally gown are destroyed or gentrified? again... it's all connected

2024-09-09»

literally, one piece.

2024-09-09»

"pandemic grief" is like ok?? it is real, and it will never be addressed on a state level, but damn. (this was very long but I decided to not repeat it. maaaayyybe will write long piece but also people have already written about this)

2024-09-08»

do we truly understand, comprehend, that (for so so many of us) to continue to live in this world, REQUIRES a level of detatchment, dissociation? even if we do all the right things, have the right people for us around, it's still just... so hard to continue to know and witness and at the same time participate in the very same world. I want to say that shows how deeply fucked everything is. That is dehumanisation. Every day, every moment.

2024-09-08»

sharing sooicide ideation is vulnerable as hell. remember this <3

2024-09-08»

the more well resourced someone is (not just cash), literally the more selfish they are. we need to unlearn that shit.

2024-09-07»

even in the deepest loudest pain there is yearning for life (NOT inspirational)

2024-09-07»

I been thinking about what made a lot of "strong" cultures and nations those cultures formed, have a patriarchal society.

2024-09-05»

wish time isn't a thing

2024-09-05»

i miss my land.

2024-09-04»

the fact that people are misunderstanding "亚比" is willllddddd

2024-09-02»

Blak baby dies in hospital from a covid infection. Not enough people talk about this (altho understand privacy and respect). Are we catching on ONE top systemic issue with EACH incident and happy enough or are we gonna see and LINK all of them??

2024-09-02»

it's all "people do whatever they have the tools to achieve" until it's someone "narcissistic".

2024-09-01»

remembering sometimes dysregulation is the baseline

2024-08-31»

I be side eyeing every time a white person says their project/business "just kind of happened" "organically evolved" and shit like that

2024-08-29»

sometimes you really just gotta do nothing. waste time.

2024-08-28»

even a walkable neighborhood is still to o loud with cars. and living in an apartment is just like living in a box. a cage. a box that is artificial and I have to maintain in this artificial state

2024-08-27»

maybe I should just accept that going out is hard :') sometimes we can do hard things but not necessarily always

2024-08-27»

it's wild to look back on the time when I still tried to make friends to prove I'm Normal lol

2024-08-24»

are there really people who learned healthy emotional expression/have it modelled to them as they grow up??

2024-08-22»

please just stop critisising/shaming people who "overshare"/"have a public breakdown"/etc. you may have good intentions, like worrying about the internet fueling the negative, privacy, etc. but it's just the same as policing people's emotional expression and preferred way to process stuff/have social connections. It's giving "I think X is better for you/I think you should control yourself and act like a normal person", it's paternalistic, it's infantalising, it's ableism and sanism. It's giving not understanding disability justice. Pls stop thinking it's something any individual should comment on as a whole. When people do this they Always make blanket statements and assumptions that are untrue. So just stop embarrasing yall selves. (this is heavily paraphrased from the original post)

2024-08-22»

I do actually feel some kind of way when men and some others (queer folks and women is more case by case) use the word bitch in an insult and it's not really about the identity of the person. I have a problem with people using the word that way in general. But it's especially some kind of way if the person is in any way affiliated or adjacent to the identity and experience of men/masculinity (or in women's case, people who try to get safety etc by become patriarchy's helpers), and or distance from which of women. It makes me think of this quote:/ "sorry to". I'm sorry, if in an attempt to reclaim the word, you probably reinforced how women are so casually dehumanised in the general society and collective consciousness, that women's existence is a criticism anyway. I wish it doesn't work like this too, but it probably continue to be like this because the fundamental reality have not changed, despite a lot of women making progress in the society they're in. And if you were just using the word casually, really think about it more.
I've been seeing this somewhat regularly in progressive spaces (not a surprise tbh, just look at misogyny in "leftism"). And at the end of the day I don't Get A Say in how other people do things but this is my offering to you.

2024-08-22»

still thinking about the fact that my ma have been just refusing to give me correct prescription for my glasses. I have been denied a clear vision by her since I was 6. And now, my vision has declined so bad that even with the right prescription, I probably can't see clearly anyway in most conditions unless the object is just the perfect distance away or something. Last time I went by myself, and I wasn't even sure if "simply accept the prescription" is the right thing to do. My body felt like I'm missing a step by not arguing back. That's how it is. And doctor didn't actually give me the correct prescription anyway because I was lagging behind a lot and a big increase like that would be uncomfortable.

2024-08-21»

it's becoming harder to put things into words the more I realise how things are really all connected. possible reasons:/ too many people typing in brain server/english coloniser language/haven't learned words/expressions that I did not know exist before/brain fog??

2024-08-18»

thinking about tragic heterosexual romance. maybe girls* ask "what do you like about me" actually asking "do you even know anything about me"

2024-08-17»

whenever western science be like "X life form is more complex that we thought" I want to kill

2024-08-15»

when you know to do lists work but the list is in the other room

2024-08-08»

the fact that fundraisers that offers something in return does better than the ones that don't. even if people don't actually take the "rewards" it still pushes a button in your brain it seems. really think about this and try to act differently.

2024-08-08»

idk but the western version of gender dysphoria is... not universal?

2024-08-05»

astrology vs psychology is soooooo interesting

2024-08-04»

I'm mad that I ever let it happen
but it was the norm... to let it happen
resistance was like something that can only exist in concept. in thought.
but i know better now

2024-08-02»

realising you're indeed "not normal"(*) is a rebirth every time

2024-08-02»

Chinese culture/Chinese influence on Asian culture/Asian culcure similarities and differences on a high level/western misunderstanding/glorification of Japan & Korea/"Asian fishing"/culture appropriation

2024-08-02»

the feeling of being watched
the feeling of always have to prove something

2024-07-31»

Japanese entitlement and history revisionism. let's talk about it.

2024-07-27»

similar to how the alien species experience time - non linearly, my brain experience thoughts non linearly. Whole sentences or even multiple paragraphs at the same time. sometimes I cannot possibly organise them into expressions before some or all are gone.

2024-07-26»

the assumptions in big/popular/mainstream games/genres of games can tell us SO MUCH..... maybe write about this one day (in 10 years)

2024-07-26»

"My ADHD was unmedicated so I struggled in school/uni/adult life/whatever"... do you see from this that it's literally to make us fall in line and produce...????? like unmedicated ADHD can be very hard to live with and get to where u wanna be and be the person u wanna be, the grief is so valid, and choosing meds is not the problem!! but don't u see the point of it, the fact that it's The Thing being pushed for ADHD, is literally to tame u and make u a good worker. and how much of "get to where u wanna be" is just secure housing and access to healthcare and a generally safe and stable life and hobbies and love and joy. how much of "the person u wanna be" is a reward and punishment system set up again to make u a good worker and consumer. like. this is not very well put but

2024-07-26»

the way privileged people can experience shit from the systems and not have a good time at all then still find trust in them and basically gaslight themselves - I can't

2024-07-26»

dead end everywhere until I found out we can believe ourselves (mad liberation) and we are enough for each other (mutual aid). now I have more hope than ever before.

2024-07-24»

traditionally successful people that found out they're nd later in life. so interesting.

2024-07-24»

the way the world casually take everything from nd people, without appreciation, and we're still treated like subhuman... it's systematic, so even if the people you directly interact with are respectaful, u still come home feeling fucked

2024-07-24»

context is a powerful thing. not having full context is almost like a power imbalance

2024-07-23»

what is reality? what is reason?

2024-07-23»

when it is demanded people speak in a "respectaful" way who is being respected? what is actually happening when "respect" is demanded? esp when from a place of authority, norm, keeping peace, instead of for equal communication & exist together comfortably

2024-07-21»

joy, escape - we do need them. but let's talk about how to make them available for each other, not just for self. take care of each other. take on that project so another community member can rest etc.

2024-07-21»

China isn't gonna "save" HK or Taiwan. No western power is gonna "save" them either. these 2 powers created the situation what are you talking about

2024-07-20»

recently I've been saying what my body is doing/feeling when I don't know how to resond to something with words. it's actually helping me to take a moment and feel stuff!

2024-07-20»

in modern western philosophy there's "god is dead". what kind of god dies? what kind of society kills god? what kind of society required its god to die?

2024-07-19»

are leftists "tearing each other down"? is "the left iseating itself"? or is it some people are trying to give feedback and some people are throwing a fit about it? let's be clear on this.

2024-07-19»

love talking and sense making together

2024-07-18»

who suddenly don't get to be your community when they disagree with you? when they bring awareness to the harm you cause?

2024-07-18»

whenever I see people talk about "getting accessible things that are "more wasteful"/more expensive/"lazy" is valid" I genuinely wish we have alternatives. like community kitchen where things are made in big batches & different people can share tasks to lessen the workload etc. I don't want to just "normalise accessible things even if they are a little wasteful", I want none of it. I want an alternative. I never buy cut veg because I hate supermarkets and they will not have a single extra cent from me.
also when these things are in the mainstream, it's always "convenience" (fuck convenience), "for people short on time" (we are short on time by design and it's not the only way), and even "so you can enjoy life more" (as if cutting veg is why we don't have time; specialising stuff away out of communities into factories and minmaxing activities OF LIFE is not the way to enjoy life)

2024-07-18»

so much violence is normalised and invisible. to turn an eye to it, to say its name, to witness without fixing, is revolutionary.

2024-07-16»

if I keep thinking about it, the answer is community and mutual aid and an alternative economic system fr. like if I want to unsubscribe from working for a boss/capitalist, the most common/easy-to-think-of approach is to use my skills and time to do a product or service for people who need/want it, to earn money and pay for my needs - which is a lot of work, usually not able to make living wage, and, ultimately depend on people's free cash, which I see getting smaller and smaller as capitalism eats itself. It seems impossible at each and every step because this is still operating in the same broader system and this system is anti life.
the alternative is, I can be (work towards being) an integral part of a community, I am there for everyone, and everyone will be there for me. the basic assumptions are completely different, which "side hustles" etc can never address. it's not about "job satisfaction", or being your own boss and being in full control, or being able to unleash your creativity, or finding your purpose. time to move out of those, we can dream bigger.

2024-07-16»

I love how we're embracing the weird now. not just on a personal aesthetic and identity level. no no no no. but weird as in refusing to participate in the bloodthirsty systems. weird as in doing our own thing AND creating our own community that can materially support each other - not one without the other. weird as in being our full human self which shed light on abuse and surface our lived wisdoms and let us connect with not just human kin but also non human kin. weird as in radical love and acceptance.

2024-07-12»

nd unmasking is healing work. it can be painful from the inside.

2024-07-12»

revolution is fundamentally creative

2024-07-12»

being in public can be so stressful because people really show you how little they care about THEIR OWN CHILD sometimes

2024-07-12»

accountability is not lateral violence.

2024-07-11»

It's icky to get paid with money/make others pay money if I do any mental health work. Money that person have to exchange with their labour prior somehow. Money that I only want because I need to "pay bills". All made up by a class of people to create scarcity and supress our natural power and agency.

2024-07-11»

When navigating the world and being in the world... "I am able to be understood" is honestly a base assumption that needs to be named bc not all of us have that

2024-07-09»

In a meeting when I was asked "how are you", broke the script and didn't say something to the effect of "good", my coworker started to say stuff like "don't let it get you down it's not worth it" 😂
At that moment it really felt like there's a "script" and he's just following it 😂

2024-07-04»

Sometimes I really think about the fact that I get discouraged from sewing because I can't make it perfect but fast fashion pump out stuff that you can't even call (properly) finished

2024-07-04»

When we just go on and live "normally" we are actually abandoning each other. To stop abandoning and to stop being abandoned we need to act for each other. This is true with protesting our tax money going to the war machine, and true with masking against covid 19.
Caring (and doing) feels so difficult and "out of the way" because it isn't programmed into the system like extraction and oppressive hierarchies are. But we have to build the alternative world.

2024-07-04»

Can we make what happened to Palestine, to the resistance happen to masking and learning up to date science covid?
Can people come and understand it and then support it with their whole chest & with action? Can we get that?
Or does it require too much inner work, too much deprogramming when it's covid?? you see what I'm talking about??

2024-07-03»

the phenomenon of "women helps their hudsband/male partner in a major way that could/did hurt themselves and got dumped" is very interesting maybe I'll rant on it one day

2024-07-02»

The way this society ruthlessly take take take anything it can from neurodivergent people and still don't see us as humans

2024-07-02»

The attitude of "we can agree to disagree" *within* a marginalised community often comes from the same unwillingness to look deeper into WHY you disagree and just want surface peace/lack of obvious tension/conflict, that people can easily call out when it comes from a privilidged group/person onto said community.
It's giving privilege, it's giving aligning with the oppressor, it's giving replicating the structures we claim to be taking down.

2024-07-01»

The fact that this so called country is genocidal becomes very obvious (once again) when you try to go to work with a mask just to protect yourself and get fired on the spot. (not me)

2024-07-01»

I want to believe "mask highly encouraged" can help, but I'm struggling to actually believe so because there are little evidence. I still mostly get "hiding behind the shield of 'I have asked masks HIGHLY ENCOURAGED'" vibes bc it doesn't feel like being covid safe is *actually* a priority, combines with other little telling details...

2024-07-01»

I am finding... when we think of our neurodivergent traits or needs as "contradictory"... we are looking at it from a neurotypical perspective already.
It is because of the perspective and framing, that things look contradictory. they may not be "inherently contradictory".

2024-06-30»

I think the expectation we have on ourselves to be completely consistent, and to be completely consistent in "getting better at this" can also come from a place of re-creating harmful hierarchy within ourselves, rather than the genuine(?) need to escalate. It's just like "healing is not linear", just like no to perfectionism (internalised capitalism).

2024-06-27»

so guys are now saying stuff like "girl code and girl solidarit is blinding you"?? NOT GIRL CODE bc we called the behaviour in men to protect each other to keep benefiting from & uphold the patriarchy "boy/bro code"???? THE IRONY THE LACK OF SELF AWARENESS THE SELF VICTIMISATION

2024-06-26»

I really don't want to monetise things ever. If I can gather ingredients, cook for people, host a dinner/gathering (while being covid safe!!!), meal prep for people, give lessons on cooking and other skills, host sharing circles or support circles, share my writings, ANYTHING, I don't wanna charge money for that!! there are so many reasons and I just don't. If I have something you want or need I'd just give it.

2024-06-26»

I need to have an honest conversation about property/home ownership. Is it really ok if I don't redistribute it? But my parents really want a place here. This in my heart has become just about the contradiction of these 2

2024-06-25»

In revolutionary circles I feel many people have a bit of an off understanding of this "my mental health vs movement" thing. And it's not our fault, it's the systems keeping us down and pitting us against each other for crumbs. May write about this in future

2024-06-24»

(chickies death rant. fill later)

2024-06-23»

Why can someone step (hard) on my foot, turn around look at me and be like "oopsie" *cute and pure and carefree smile* and just TURN BACK???? LET'S TALK ABOUT IT.

2024-06-23»

(from reel) Interracial relationship for Asian people/as a Chinese person. Interesting topic

2024-06-23»

Good points made about MA/building community/contributing. Not fear based. When people talk about "all out for Gaza... but don't burn yourself out" something deeper is often mising.

2024-06-21»

CW SA rant.
Men "no one cares when our fellow men get r*ped by women??!! not fair!!!"
Men *write/direct/approve casual sa/harassment from women to men in media and be like "oooOooOoo" about it*
(casual sa in media ofc also include MEN TO WOMEN, they both uphold rape culture and objectifying women and victim blaming)

2024-06-20»

"What does putting the customer at the centre mean to you?"
It means when I'm a customer I'm supposed to be the most superior being because I make the capitalist loop of production complete, because of this I'm almost worshipped and put above other people that has different roles (like the salesperson/customer service, the "workers") at that point of the cycle (because I'm the main component). This is supposed to reward my participation and make me come back for more but it's actually only to distract from the fact that when the circle is complete, when I stop being a customer, I fall back to being the worker and I get friking exploited

2024-06-19»

psych practitioners or even neurodivergent people's attitude when getting called out that they are not truely neuroaffirming or not understanding the evolving perspectives of neurodiversity. post by Sonny. very interesting may write

2024-06-19»

I feel some kind of way when popular feminists be like "oh I just don't date men", and usually it's accompanied with a sea of agreement and praise. like I guess you are free to have a personal opinion... but it's not about that it's about how it shapes the space.
for many of us, we can only look to an online community of feminists. the loudest voices in the online space matter. when we come across and get into a space hoping to finally make sense of things and be understood, and in some aspects you do feel seen, but then some other aspects is conflicting with your own experience, it can be confusing. especially being a poc and trying to "learn feminism" from white women lol
anyway... even "just not dating men/get married" comes with privilge. and remember... privilge doesn't mean you have it easy, it means some hurdles that others have to overcome is not there for you.

2024-06-19»

AI art rant. I can get it if people have the desire to use it personally, altho I would't follow thru on that desire knowing it'a all stolen and using it just further normalise corporations stealing from us not just art but everything.
also, hot take but try to find an artist that can work with you on a small budget or even for free is still better than using AI art. (there's also obviously the choice of not involving an artist and do it yourself) If you reach out to a bunch of people, that's a start of a relationship, that's community building. skill sharing is community building. and we need to be creative about it and create alternative systems that doesn't involve money.
and I get that artists are sick of doing free work so this has to be non exploitative. don't just use an artist then discard them. again it's about community. this may all be a lot of work to organise but isn't that exactly the work we are doing?

2024-06-18»

I think autistic people (that have certain personality traits/history (of trauma lol)) can be really good at deconstructing socialinteractions, subtext, subconscious belief that comes through in a conversation, because that's how we were able to survive and or got any love we needed.
but we're still not necessarily "good at socialising"? yk

2024-06-18»

thinking about all the conversations that went wrong lol. and it usually happens in similar ways. we would say oh its because we are autistic. there's just some NT code we can't crack.
but I see it more and more between autistic/ND people too. (and not excluding the possibility that some of these people are not actually NT and are unidentified ND?)
So now I'm more incliend to say the conversations "go wrong" not because some inherent differences of ND and NT people, but it's because of ableism and internalised ableism.

2024-06-18»

Let's talk about the casual ableism in calling how ND people speak and interact "rude" "condesending" "arrogant", and refusing to give something you knee-jerk feel like is "rude" some benefit of the doubt... People are not ready to have a nuanced conversation about this. And this is why justice must be intersectional, include interpersonal justice, and people working towards justice all need to do healing work...

2024-06-17»

Saw post on "rigid thinking" and "sense of justice". very interesting want to write

2024-06-17»

Seeing a photo of an art gallery/installation and realising I have never seen things that clearly from that kind of distance 😭 I was denied access to seeing the world clearly. My ma wouldn't give me my correct prescription because she doesn't want my eyes to "rely too much on the glasses". Looking back now this is such a classic ableist line. Children is the biggest oppressed class fr.

2024-06-17»

Since the most recent development of western philosophy is so dependent on individualism, I can't help but wonder what a/the indigenous field of philosophy would look like. I know China but it's not quite that comparable. I also wonder about the field of mental health/psychology the same way.

2024-06-16»

Random thought on father's day. After developing my feminism I had a few arguments/fights with my dad when my parents visited. After a few times my ma asked me privately "do you have some deep resentment for your dad from childhood?" because she doesn't understand why I got so mad. and that's funny to me... it's not like that at all. I do resent him but it's more retroactively and for all men, all the shit that men have given me including his. It's just when he's in the same space as me and we sort of have a close relationship (more involved/more interactions even if forced) it's hard to ignore how it's all connected and still happening and hard to hide how I feel about it all the time.

2024-06-15»

Thinking about how a lot of activism spaces can be 1) totally lacking in mad liberation and disability justice and 2) lacking in understanding of personal and collective healing, cptsd, generational trauma etc
but love to bring up shame!
do people really have a good understanding of what they're talking about when they talk about shame? can people not use it as a quick and easy lable for issues you don't know how to fix? it's giving individualism/individual responsibility over collective responsibility.

2024-06-15»

Thinking about how capitalism and patriarchy interacts with collectivism in the east, and how it interacts with individualism in the west

2024-06-»